I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
