if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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