sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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