After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
