the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
