i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
