I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
