He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
