You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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