Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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