Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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