Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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