She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
