You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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