Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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