Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.

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(917): View more from New York City

I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.

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(330): View more from Ohio

now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.

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(734): View more from Michigan

Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..

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(613): View more from Ontario

I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."

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(703): View more from Virginia

Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I need more 20 something year old penis in my life

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