we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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