I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
