walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
