hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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