i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
