Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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