turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
