dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Randomize
