my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Fuck appropriateness.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
