today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The beer is more important than you right now.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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