I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
