i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
