1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
