you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
