ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize