I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
