i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
