90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
