just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
