and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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