I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
