I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
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