SEEEEXXX PLEASE
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize