I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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