everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
