I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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