Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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