who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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