I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
