fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
