I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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