Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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