I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
