booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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