she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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