people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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