My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
