There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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