There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
