I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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