I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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