That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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