Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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