omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
