During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
