But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
