happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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