If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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