i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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