I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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