birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
