he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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