Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Green mimosas i think yes
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
