everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Congratulations! We have a period
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
