I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I came so hard my ears popped.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
