Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
