mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
