The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
