Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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