Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
