shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
