i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
