We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
