is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize