Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
