he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
