My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
