this boner is exhausting
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize