I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
