You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
