And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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