he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
