Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
