what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
even my farts smell like vagina
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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