I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He felt like a one man threesome
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
