Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
