I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
