FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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