Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
