How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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