Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
