wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
