sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
