well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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