halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
