apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
