He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
