guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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